Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
