how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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