he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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