After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
