tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
3 2 1 whiskey
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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