I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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