she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
