My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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