fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
