guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
