And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
