I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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