the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
