Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize