I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
