chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
