please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
