If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
