i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
