honey bunches of taint.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
two words...techno handjob
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize