why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize