I puked a lego.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
