i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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