why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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