I didn't shave. On purpose
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
