I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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