no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
