Where did you get a picture of my penis
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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