u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think your dad took our porno
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
