i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
