Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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