the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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