He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
