so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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