what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
