Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
