Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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