I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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