Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were trust falling into bushes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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