Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
