I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
