Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
