On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
