covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
