Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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