I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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