I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
