he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she looked like the before picture.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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