youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
