he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
