I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
