Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
