last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
