It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
