The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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