the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
