Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
