nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
