I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
tell me about the fingering
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