You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
