Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
