Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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