I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
