i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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