I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
