my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
