this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
